How Do You Be Okay? (7/28/14)


The little things always matter to me,
the light kisses you plant on my cheeks and the way you place your arm around me,
how you seem to do it all without even thinking.
You’ll place your hand in mine and bring it up to your lips to kiss my fingers,
I love to watch you in your most vulnerable state, eyes shut and my fingers in your hair.
I love the way you kiss me, I love the way you smell, I love the way you smile and look at me.
I’ll never get enough of you.

the last time i hung up on you it was february,
a year ago. i was tired and you were angry, and
now i guess i’m calling to ask how you’ve been since.
scratch that, that’s a lie, i’m calling to tell you
i think i might be sorry that it ended like it did,
except that doesn’t really sound like an apology.
okay, here’s the thing, i’m actually calling because
i think i’m falling for a girl i don’t even know
and you used to be good at my love life,
and i hoped you could tell me if this is even me
because you used to seem to know me too.

if you don’t already know, i’m sort of drunk,
and i’ve been writing down all the things i think
that i feel sorry for, and i wanted to tell you
until i realized i don’t have your number anymore.
okay, no, actually, i still know it by heart
but i wanted to ask you how long
it took you to delete mine from your phone,
and for how long you remembered it after that.
i didn’t think you would. you were always good
at forgetting the things you didn’t want to see.

i’m not calling because i miss you.
i’m not calling because i want you back,
and i know i don’t love you anymore.
i chose to walk away, but that doesn’t mean
it was ever easy. it doesn’t mean it was the way
i wanted it to be. i wish that it did.
i wish that it had been simple,
ordinary like water flowing from a tap,
a silver balloon floating into a blue sky.

i just want to tell you i cared.
i just want to tell you i had to stop loving you
because the voice in my head started sounding
like you. i had to stop loving you because it wasn’t
good, and we didn’t work anymore, and i was too tired
to fix anyone but myself.

i want to tell you i’m sorry that you couldn’t see that.
i’m sorry that i had to be the one to show you.
add this to the list of things for which i should apologize.
i really shouldn’t have called you.

regret-shaped voicemailrabia kazmi (via nightcapades)


Sometimes I wonder why people say “you’re so easy to talk to you know” but then don’t tell me the things they should like “I don’t want to talk to you anymore”


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“All I wanted was to receive the love I gave.”

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